The Lonelies

Part Five: Sunday – Late Night/Early Morning

by Adam Haynes
illustrations by Dave Dawson

The sad thing was, at one point Abraham’s hadn’t sucked, it had been a real bona fide Jewish deli, kosher and everything. But then the Abraham brothers hit a snag with the IRS and disappeared. Vinnie Vee, also her mother’s current boyfriend, turned it into a twenty-four hour coffee house which he thought would make the perfect cover for his clandestine pimping activities. Yeah right, Temptation always thought. His idea of a coffee house was cheap florescent lights, a few tables, and ten carafes lined on a shelf against the wall. Vinnie liked trying to predict what was going to be the next big money maker. That’s why a while back, when he’d read in Life magazine how child prostitution was big in Russia, he’d thought for sure it was going to be the wave of the future over here and if he started right away he’d get in on the ground floor. When he’d originally told Temptation about this grand idea, she’d been impressed, but only because she hadn’t known he knew how to read.

“Why are you with my mother?” She asked him this at least once every night, partially because she knew it busted his balls, and partially because she really didn’t get it.

Vinnie shrugged, looking uncomfortable as he always did.

“Fire me Vinnie, fire me right now.”

“Aw shit, you know I can’t do that. You’re mother would kill me. I wish I could fucking fire you – you fucking lazy ass.”

“I am not a fucking lazy ass, there’s just nothing to do around here.”

From his pocket, Vinnie took out a small bottle of Pepto Bismol and downed half of it.

“You okay, Vinnie?”

“Shit, your old lady’s giving me a hard time. You know this place isn’t exactly the breadwinner I thought it’d be. Shit, I think your mother makes twice as much as I do.”

“So fuck her… Why the fuck you give her all your money anyway?” Temptation had never understood that one.

Vinnie shrugged again, looking down at the empty table top. Temptation spaced out on his bald spot.

Vinnie looked up, rubbed one of his bloodshot eyes. “Hey, listen, why don’t you just split tonight. Dekkler’ll be alright by himself. Neither of us will tell your mom, okay?”

“Shit yeah!” Temptation jumped up and ran for her coat.

“Just one thing…”

“Huh?””Put out that fucking cigarette, Temp, Jesus. It’s hurting my guts just looking at it.”

She ran all the way home, arms clutched tightly over her breasts, protecting them from the cold, thinking about babies and wondering as she sometimes did when she was alone how exactly she’d gotten to the point she was at now.

Romance… there had been a time when Temptation had bought into all that romance crap, when she’d believed in the myth of the one. The one sung about in all those stupid songs on KISS FM she hated and also kind of loved. The one bemoaned by her mother, trashed on Mad Dog Kiwi Lime – the one who got away. The one who will take me out of this place, the one who will save me… Mr. Love Connection. That one.

His name had been Lexter. He’d been two years older than her. She’d met him last summer in front of the library. Oh, the thrill of being with an older man! He flunked Simon’s Rock, had taken his GED, and he read all the time and grew up on the Eastern Prom, raised by two mommies. “What do you mean, two mommies?” she asked him all the time, never getting much of a response. It didn’t take them long to agree that what they had together was special and beautiful and could only be defined as true love, fate, whatever you want to call it. They had to live together. This had been especially nice since she’d spent the last four or five months partially homeless anyway since she couldn’t deal with her mom anymore. She’d gone to her cunt bitch mother and given her the score and made a deal that if she worked at the coffee shop her mother’s boyfriend had just opened, then her mother would pay rent, etc. Temptation didn’t even try to understand. Whatever, at least she got some cash. That money, combined with what he made at McCall’s Chicken Rotisserie down on Forest Ave. gave them enough to afford a tiny place off of Cumberland, behind city hall. They had no furniture except for his futon, but she hardly minded the drab emptiness of the place because as soon as they moved in, they were fucking so often she never thought about anything else. It was like a non-stop roller coaster pornographic dream, and once they started, she didn’t want it ever to slow down or stop. He did things to her that left her hot and bothered long after she’d gone to work. As the Summer ebbed into Fall, she found she was walking around in a rabid state, like some sort of animal. She loved it. Her best friend Cindy became so jealous she started dissing her, hanging out more and more with the fucked up FSU crowd, acting like B-girl. Then suddenly, they just weren’t having sex anymore. She wasn’t even thinking about sex, or even masturbating. It was so weird. When he was home, which was less and less often, he was curled up on his side of the futon with his head in a book. Ignoring her. Then, in November he split. Just didn’t come home one night. If he’d gone to another girl, that would’ve been simple, she would’ve grabbed that slut by her hair and beaten her face into the ground until it smashed apart like one of those melons that gets shot on TV, then dumped the body at his feet and yelled gooood riddance! But with the mommies, it was way different. When Cindy explained it all, she’d told Temptation that when two women become sexual with each other, they become more powerful than God himself. There wasn’t much she could do against that. And that was how she learned there was no such thing as the one. Relationships were for suckers, they made you act crazy and then weird and then left you feeling even lonelier than you had been before you’d gotten involved. Fuck that. Same with sex. Sex for pleasure was nothing but a dangerous cheat, and nothing she needed in her life anymore.

Now Cindy was her new roommate, which was cool because she said she had some mystery person who paid her rent (with Cindy you learned fast not to ask questions). She brought with her all sorts of junk from God only knows where, until the apartment had a cozy, cluttered feeling that felt more like home. She even brought a TV, and they spent most of their time in front of it, smoking cigarettes and gossiping about all the runaways who hung out in Monument Square.

Whew! thought Temptation, hurrying through the empty parking lot that was a short cut to her building. It all happens so fast, but it takes so long! And she was still under the thumb of her mother, and it turned out Cindy was far from the greatest person to live with. If she had a baby, she’d have everything, companionship, caring, rent, and food. She couldn’t let this one little miscarriage stop her, no way.

A minute later, she burst through her front door teeth clattering and stamping her Docs, and found Cindy’s friend Mildred sitting stiffly on the couch watching TV, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey, what’s up,” Temptation said, plopping down next to her and getting instantly caught up in the TV’s glow.

Mildred said nothing.

“Vinnie let me take off early, pretty cool, huh?”

Mildred again said nothing.

Temptation turned and gave her a once over. Mildred looked bad, even worse than she usually did. Her body was rigor mortus rigid and her face was frozen in an expression of dull dread. The cigarette that was in her hand was mostly ash. “Hey, Mildred,” Temptation said, “what the hell’s going on – are you on some weird drug or what?”

Almost imperceptibly, Mildred shook her head. Temptation took the chipped plate she and Cindy used as an ashtray and placed it under the cigarette, then delicately took the cigarette from between Mildred’s stiff fingers, taking the last drag to see if there was anything weird in it, something it might’ve been laced with.

She put her hand on Mildred’s shoulder. Mildred continued to stare straight ahead at Conan O’Brien as though he were about to reveal the meaning of life at any second. “Did something happen to you Mildred? You’ve been acting stranger and stranger all week.”

“I, I…” Mildred whispered, cranking her eyes over to look at Temptation. “I’m not doing so hot.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Temptation said cheerily, taking one of Mildred’s cold, clammy hands in hers, feeling a little like one of the nurses on General Hospital.

“I… can’t… really talk about it.””There, there,” Temptation said, trying to use the professional tone the nurses always did. Mildred felt sorry for herself 24/7, but this went way beyond that. Even though Mildred seemed made out of wax, her eyes were screaming. It was making Temptation nervous.

“There, there,” she said again. “Just say what Temptation can do to help. What can I do?”

Two thick streams of water began running from Mildred’s eyes and oozing down the sides of her cheeks. He breathing became faster, and for a moment, Temptation thought she was having some kind of heart attack.

“Come on,” she coaxed, trying not to let the fear enter her voice. “Anything, really.”

Mildred’s hand became a vice around Temptations.

“Could you…”

“Yeah?”

“Eat me…”

She wasn’t sure she’d gotten that last part. “What was that?”

Mildred squeezed her eyes shut. “Could you please eat me out.”

Temptation dropped Mildred’s hand and stood up. “What the fuck is this all about?” She knew that Mildred and Cindy had this free love thing going on, but Mildred knew that she didn’t go in for that shit. Not since Lexter. Sex was for making babies. Mildred was a prime example of how it fucked you up otherwise.

“Oh God, please, you don’t understand, I’m in this bad place.” Very carefully Mildred lifted up her skirt and then pulled down the ridiculous little girl panties she had on. Temptation stood there, too stunned to do anything. There was absolutely no hair on her vagina. It really did look like Joe Camel’s face. Someone had told her that once, but she’d never believed them.

Mildred spread her legs and shuddered. Temptation winced.

“I’d touch myself but… they’d see me, I can’t move too much or they’ll get me – they’re… they’re everywhere…”

Okay, Mildred was now officially out to lunch. Temptation reached for her bag to get her cigarettes and realized she’d left her bag at work.

“Listen, Mildred,” she said, backing away toward the front door and trying not to look at Joe Camel. “I’ve got to go back to work and get my smokes. You and Cindy do whatever you want, you know I’m cool with that. But could you please put your panties back on if you’re going to be in the living room, ’cause like, this is kind of a public place.”

Mildred looked like there was something very important she wanted to say in response. Temptation was already through the door and hurrying down the stairs. At times like this, she wondered if she was the only sane person in Portland. It certainly seemed that way.

Ten minutes later she was back at Abraham’s.

The place was even deader than it had been when she’d left, which didn’t surprise her at all. “You okay here?” she asked Dekkler, who was picking the dirt out from under his fingernails with a plastic stirrer. Part of her was guilty for leaving him.

Dekkler nodded. “It’s cool,” he said. How he remained so content and mellow she had no idea.

“I just came to get my bag.”

Dekkler nodded his head, then waved at someone and wandered off into the back room. Temptation turned around and saw that two guys had just come in. One of them was walking toward her, past her, going into the back room after Dekkler. The other guy was Will Hastings.

“Holy shit,” Temptation said aloud. “Holy shit,” Temptation said again, after they’d sat down at her little table against the wall and she’d lit another cigarette. The last time she’d seen Will was over eight months ago, before she met Lexter, before this job, before any of it. He’d been the coolest counselor at this day center she and Cindy had hung out at on days when it was just too cold to be outside. Unlike the other counselors, he’d never tried to hassle her about going to school or getting into a foster program. He’d just been cool, someone real, who she’d really enjoyed shooting the shit with. And then he’d vanished. Temptation had always wondered what had happened to him.

“I never thought in a million years I’d see you again.” The oh wow, expression still on her face.

Will was staring deep, deep into her eyes. “Sorry about just dropping out like that. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.”

He was always so polite.

“Aw hell – my old feelings?” Temptation waved him off in mock humility. “So what’ve you been up to?”

“Not much,” he said after what looked like some serious deliberation. “I’m just trying to get my shit done.”

Temptation nodded. “It’s fucking difficult,” she said, putting out her cigarette and lighting another. “I’ve been trying to have this baby, because you know, I just really, really want to have a baby.”

“It’s good to have a plan,” Will mumbled.

See, that’s what always made this guy so cool – he was so non-judgmental. “Yeah, and this little boy impregnated me, but I lost the baby and, you know, it’s been stressing me out, thinking about finding another guy because he has to be a virgin because of diseases and stuff.” She stopped. He was staring at her so intensely, so intensely.

“What?” she said, worried, and not knowing what was going on. “What? What is it?”

“I can help you.”

“What do you mean? Is there a bug on me or something?”

Will shook his head very slowly. “Temptation, do you believe that things happen for a reason?”

“Sure, I guess. I don’t know.” She shrugged.

“Tonight… tonight has been quite a night. It’s amazing how my eyes have been opened up tonight.”

She wasn’t sure what he meant, but it was true, his eyes were wide open and were shining in this strange, vivid way.

“Temptation,” he continued, “I’ll do it for you. I’ll be your virgin man.”

Holy fucking shit. He was talking about the baby. He was offering to give her a baby. She had no idea what to say, or even think. Will Hastings? Will Hastings would make the perfect donor, and that was exactly what he was offering. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.

“And you’re a…” she lowered her voice. “A virgin?”

He solemnly nodded. “Tonight, yes.”

“Oh my fucking God,” she said to herself. This was real. He was really offering to impregnate her. The totally cool Will Hastings had just shown up out of the blue and now she was going to have a baby. “Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, you look a little – I don’t know – and I don’t want to, if you…”

“I feel better than I have in my entire life. Everything is fitting into place. Everything is connected. We have to do this. We need to do this. You know that and I know that. We just need to go to your place. We can’t do it in mine.”

“Right now?”

He nodded his head. “That’s what you want, right?”

She nodded back, feeling like her eyes were now as large as his. “Yeah, yeah.”

She was going to have sex with Will Hastings. She stood with him in her shithole of a room, not sure what to do next. When they’d come in, the lights had been off and Cindy and Mildred were fooling around on the couch. Feeling like introductions weren’t necessary, she’d whisked him into her room… Now they were going to have sex. Temptation started pacing nervously around, picking up strewn clothes and empty cigarette packs, while Will stood there, looking perfectly content and at ease.

She was so nervous her hands were shaking. Excited, too. He was attractive. Since Lexter, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about men that way, and now it was just flooding all over her, making her so agitated and wet. She was going to have Will Hastings’ child! Life was so unexpected, so, so unexpected!

“So…” Will said, staring at her unmade mattress.

“I, I don’t know what to do…”

Will took off his shoes and socks, then his pants, then his underwear. “I guess we should get naked,” he said, taking off his shirt and undershirt. Completely naked, he lay down on her mattress and looked up at her.

Temptation stared at his penis, erect and quivering, on a bed of soft pubic hair. Her mouth had fallen open, her heart was pounding. She couldn’t stop looking at it. This was happening so fast. This was happening so fast. That was alright. His penis was so beautiful, the most beautiful penis she’d ever seen. Anything that came from a penis like that would have to be as beautiful. It just had to.

Temptation dropped the dirty clothes and cigarette packs and hurried out of her clothes. Standing naked before him, she looked down at herself self-consciously. “I’m a little chunky, I hope that’s alright.”

“Why don’t you come here? I think you should be on top.”

Oh mercy, she could barely move, and she was so wet it was dripping down the inside of her thighs. Temptation inched forward. This was happening so fast. It felt so good, but it was happening so fast it was overwhelming. She chewed on her lower lip, getting closer and closer, her breathing becoming more and more outrageous. Should they kiss? Would it be awkward of her to ask him? She wanted to kiss. She hadn’t kissed Jr., but that had been different, very different. This was Will Hastings. Those lips. That beautiful penis. That quivering… oh mercy. She put her knees on the edge of the mattress and started crawling over him, careful not to touch him, not yet, saving it. Moving so slowly, so fucking slowly. Her head was over his now, she was looking down into his face. Was she dripping on him? They stared into each other’s eyes. Temptation gulped. He broke eye contact, started looking past her, all around the room, moving his head around, looking for something.

“What?” Temptation said. She reached her hand down and stroked his beautiful penis, grasped it to remind him of the task at hand.

And that was when he started screaming. Temptation was on her feet, frantically looking around the room. Was there something there? Why was he suddenly screaming? What had she done wrong? She couldn’t understand it. Not at all not at all not at all.

to be continued…