The Retardos – Review

The Retardos

(Scooch Pooch)
by Jon Sarre

Great name, so-so band. Thus the importation of mass-quantities of Scandinavian rock’n’roll continues ’til ya’d swear every Sven, Olaf, and Nicke out that way’s got a band. Even if the barrel’s gettin’ down to the dregs, at least dumb guitar-based rockers are gettin’ signed from someplace. Sooner or later, people are gonna realize anew that great rock’n’roll doesn’t haveta hit these shores via a Viking longboat, and then they’ll take notice of the low-life punks in their shitty lil’ hometowns. Hell, there’s even amazing bands in fucking Canada! Far as The Retardos go, their shit don’t lack for in-yo-face intensity, tho’ they do lack the ability to write a coupla numbers that don’t sound exactly like the six they just played. You can think of this record as one long twenty-five minute song with a second long break every two minutes or so. Case in point, the two covers they run with at the end, G.G. Allin’s “Gimme Some” and Gang Green’s “Alcohol” beat their own stuff with a bloody hammer. And those two are comin’ from the pens of two cretins, G.G. and Chris Doherty, who ain’t exactly songwriters extraordinaire.