Garbage Pail

Names Changed to Protect the Cheesy

by Matt Sullivan
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What’s in a name change? For celebrities that’ve spent years trying to build up name recognition, there’s usually two reasons: Symbolically separating yourself from an embarrassing but lucrative past, or trying to give yourself a veneer of “I’m an adult thespian now” class. Sometimes, we accept this. Larry Fishburne wants to be called Lawrence? Anything you say, Morpheus. Other times, it’s not so simple. Below, a few recent child stars try to change their names to protect the guilty, as we decide whether to let them off the hook.

The Artist Formerly Known As:
Joey Lawrence
Now Wants To Be Known As:
Joseph Lawrence (as he is called in the credits of Urban Legend 2, no less.)
Do We Accept The Name Change?
Please. What’s next, Anthony Danza? Does his Gimme A Break co-star Nell Carter still call him Joey? What about Blossom? Then we’re still calling him Joey.

The Artist Formerly Known As:
Ricky Schroder
Now Wants To Be Known As:
Rick Schroder.
Do We Accept The Name Change?
Sure, we’ll call him Rick. It’s not like he’s asking us to call him “Sir Richard.” As long as he spares us the ass-baring NYPD Nude scenes to prove that he’s “all grown up.”

The Artist Formerly Known As:
Charlie Sheen
Now Wants To Be Known As:
Charles Sheen.
Do We Accept The Name Change?
It’d be another thing entirely if he wanted to be called what his mama named him, Carlos Estevez, but “Charles”? No way — you’re a bad man, Charlie Sheen.