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Matt Sullivan

Garbage Pail – Young Adult Movies – Column

September 1, 2000

Since pomo porno titles like Good Will Humping and Romancing The Bone are always good for a laugh, it got us thinking: What if adult movies sought inspiration from the titles of young adult novels?

Garbage Pail – Names Changed to Protect the Cheesy – Column

June 1, 2000

What’s in a name change? For celebrities that’ve spent years trying to build up name recognition, there’s usually two reasons: Symbolically separating yourself from an embarrassing but lucrative past, or trying to give yourself a veneer of “I’m an adult thespian now” class.

Garbage Pail – Coming Distractions – Column

June 1, 2000

Hollywood’s self-referential, postmodern meta-madness hits its logical nadir in this parody of the Naked Gun movies. Leslie Nielsen plays Leslie Nielsen playing Frank Drebin, and, upon seeing a stuffed beaver, quips “oh, so this is supposed to be the part where I make some sort of sexual innuendo.”

Garbage Pail – Fangs Through Tofu – Fiction

April 1, 2000

Vlados, 247, died Tuesday due to complications related to his refusal to drink blood. Perhaps the most shocking convert to veganism ever, Vlados was converted to the cause by a couple of Birkenstock-wearing potential victims who showed him some persuasive pamphlets.

Garbage Pail – Animal Wrongs – Column

April 1, 2000

It was the taboo topic no one in the animal-rights movement dared discuss – too radical even for the radicals. Yet animal-on-animal violence kills more animals than hunting and scientific experimentation combined.

Garbage Pail – DNA Action – Column

January 1, 2000

In a landmark deal negotiated in the wake of superstar Michael Jordan’s retirement and last year’s horrendous record, the Chicago Bulls have signed a contract with Jordan landing them exclusive rights to his DNA.

Garbage Pail – Crucifix Out, Electric Chair In – Column

January 1, 2000

The Catholic Church, responding to focus groups’ confusion, has decided to replace the popular image of Jesus Christ nailed on the crucifix. The new symbol will feature Jesus sitting in a more contemporary mode of execution: the electric chair.

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