Cradle of Filth
Bitter Suites to Succubi (Spitfire)
by Scott Hefflon
What a great title! Say it a few times… If ya still don’t get it, set yourself on fire. It probably won’t help ya get it, but chances are nothing will, and you’re just getting in the way by this point.
Cradle of Filth rule, in case you’re, like, new or something. Biggest, wildest, most-controversial extreme metal band on the planet, bar none. Blending classical symphonics, blackened thrashy metal, horror movie trickery, and more vocal stylings than any other band there is, well, there’s a damn good reason they’re number one. And that’s not even taking into consideration the Deal they made with their “manager,” Louis Sipher (that’s an Angelheart lift, in case you live in a box). Cuz really, when you get right down to it, these guys are doing damage to the very fabric of our culture because, simply put, their artistic depravity is sexy to many of both sexes, and their humor is made even funnier because, while it makes on-the-fence folks titter nervously, man, it makes the squares really nervous, and that makes the rest of us laugh even harder!
While this is the short list from the bio, you can bet yer mom’s fat ass that this is just the tip of the iceberg: Arrested for wearing “I Love Satan” T shirts at the Vatican, ordered to cease and desist sales of their “Jesus Is A Cunt” shirts. And that’s just their t shirt rap sheet! When ya get down to it, that shit’s funny, right? And I like the sentence down by the endorsements (no one but Strapping Young Lad’s Devin Townsend’s Pünky Brüster project made such good use of this space!): “Cradle of Filth play metal forged from the hot friction of wanking nuns exclusively.” Sure, it’s crass and juvenile and whine, whine, whine… it’s more clever than anything nü metal dweebs have to say, and makes all the devil-worshipping accusations Judas Priest and Ozzy had to endure seem as laughable as they were, are, and ever shall be, Ahem!
Oops, sorry, got off the subject of the music… But really, if you don’t know these guys pack a lot of scary stuff into their sound, well, you haven’t been listening. The dark urge to worship Cradle of Filth has been lurking in the recesses of that little mind of yours, so why not stop fighting it and revel in the tingling embrace of the Dark Side? Ten songs, 50 minutes will keep you company on that long trip down to the Big Party where all the fun people are going anyway…
(101 Bay Ave. Hicksville, NY 11801)
