Craving Theo

(Columbia)
by Scott Hefflon

Craving Theo is a terrible band name, but the band is no great shakes, so it’s kinda two birds with one stone, ya know? They’re better than Creed, but so’s a hot poker up the ass, so what kind of comparison is that? These guys are from Portland (OR, not ME, not that it much matters cuz both northern areas don’t seem to think this kind of Godsmack-derivative hard rock is something to be embarrassed by, but these are hicks who fuck their sisters, so again, let’s not consider their judgment all that discriminating) and Stereomud is mentioned as a point of reference, and that’s saying something. They’re more hard rock than nü metal, but not nearly so post-glam as Beautiful Creatures (not to mention the Backyard Babies). They have swagger mixed into the plod. They can call this groove-oriented all they want, it’s pretty flat and boring and the singer sounds like he’s taking a shit.
(www.cravingtheo.com)