Andy Dick

Andy Dick and The Bitches of the Century (Milan)
by Scott Hefflon

Andy Dick is a comedic fuckin’ genius, in case you didn’t know. In this era of media over-exposure, it’s easy to get sick of stars really quickly, especially when they have to be bear such humiliations as hosting cheeseball MTV functions for a bunch of cheering losers hoping some girl will lift her shirt. What a waste of talent… So Andy Dick has appeared in movies, does voice-overs, has been on network and cable TV shows, and now he’s got a musical CD out. Is the band any good? Surprisingly, yeah! Aside from priceless delivery (like Tenacious D’s Jack Black, he enunciates “Dude, what’s up with that?” in a way you and your friends will mimic for months, cracking up every time), he’s got great lines like “I’m not stalking you, I’m just calling a lot” (“Love Ninja (The Stalker Song)”) and “knock-knock, Who’s there? It’s the intern, it’s time for you to pee in a cup! Ok… um, then what are the toilets for? Thooose are for you to scrub!” (“30 Days 30 Nights”).

He wrote a love song, resplendent with Bruce Hornsby piano work, to his cock and balls called, well, “Cock and Balls.” He also wrote a couple gonzo rockers, the self-explanatory “I’ll Fuck Anything that Moves” and the coke-demon tale “Hole Burns” with lyrics of pure drug-addled howling madness that really dig to the core of it. There’s also some rich-voiced folktronic (anyone remember Block, esp. “I Used to Manage PM Dawn”?) in “Striped Sunlight” and “Secret Garden,” the latter of which is a weird little trip/pysch pop gem about how his frog died, but, uh, kinda symbolically, about someone leaving him… Sniff. Aside from the obvious single, “Love Ninja (The Stalker Song),” the real keepers are the running monologue of rehab (“30 Days 30 Nights”) – cuz rehab’s funny when Andy Dick goes through it (and you don’t have to) – and the Goth/industrial remix of “Little Brown Ring,” an infectiously catchy song I have to try very hard not to sing along with. You just know you’ll be singing that in the car with the windows down when the Senior Citizens’ bus pulls alongside you, or you’ll be absently singing it while making a sandwich in mom & dad’s kitchen (look at all the food!) and have some real explaining to do…
(www.milanrecords.com)