The Best Page in the Universe

by Scott Hefflon

It opens with the premise “This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong,” and from there, it gets personal. Every few days, there’s a new post from this Maddox guy about how stupid greeting cards are, what sucked about Daredevil, Signs, Harry Potter (etc.), and the link that got me turned onto this site, “I Am Better Than Your Kids,” which rates children’s drawing hanging in parent’s cubicles at work, and he gives them all “F”s saying things like “I don’t even know what this is. If it’s supposed to be a dog, then it’s the shittiest dog I’ve ever seen” and “Three words: Too many colors. Also, eggs aren’t supposed to have ears, dipshit.” And those are in response to happy dogs and Easter eggs. So you can imagine his response to movies, politics, the news, and generally, a world full of people who eat, shit, and procreate, but other than that, are pretty useless, not to mention annoying and get in the way a lot.

There are also archives dating back to 1998 (and they all kick ass, just ask him), and an FAQ section (24 year old math major at the University of Utah, in case you’re curious), hate mail, images (Bill Clinton with a guillotine at crotch level, “Gothics Blow,” and other straight-forward stuff, all with long explanations in 21 point type), and statistics, which links to stuff, but it’s ugly, most of the links don’t work, and those that did were chat boards or something where stupid people said stupid things, and I couldn’t figure out any good reason to keep trying more of them. But check out posts like “How to piss off credit card companies and get away with it,” “Seven reasons why the Xbox can suck it,” “Show everyone how much of an asshole you are by wearing faded jeans,” “People who like David Lynch movies are idiots,” and much, much more!
(www.maddox.xmission.com)