Mental Shrapnel: Before They Were Famous – Column

mentalshrapnellogo200Mental Shrapnel: Before They Were Famous

Lollipop has a long history of making fun of stupid people, stupid trends, over-hyped movies, TV shows, bands, and anything else we see.

There’s no end to the things you can make fun of if you can stop giggling long enough to scribble a one-liner on one of the shut-off notices lying around. That’s what they’re there for.

This column used to be called Garbage Pail. The title stunk, but the contents didn’t. It was a “catch all” for random weirdness scribbled on bar napkins and pizza boxes. It was also an excuse to commission illustrations that, let’s face it, would never exist otherwise.

Mental Shrapnel is a collection of the the weird mental connections you make and riff on with your friends and laugh until you pee.

Email a Top Ten list, pitch sitcom plots we’ll never see, ponder what classic movies would’ve been like if Ashton Kutcher stared in them, whatever.

Do your friends think you’re a riot? Well, that’s why they’re your friends. Send in your brain farts anyway.

by Kerry Joyce
Illustration by Dave Dawson

mental-billyidolphotoBefore They Were Famous

Billy Idol was Pretty Idle
Green Day was Cazh Day
R.E.M. was Ari Emberg and the Snooze Alarms
The Bare Naked Ladies were The Bare Naked Cafeteria Ladies
Nirvana was Nervosa
The 10,000 Maniacs were Several Hundred Manic-Depressives
Beck was Busch
Hole was Hole
Limp Bizkit was Led Zeppelin
Dropkick Murphys were The High Fivin’ O’Briens
The Smashing Pumpkins were The Yam Smiters
Oasis was Okay Sis
The Killers were The Kleptos
The Stray Cats were the Stained Croats
U2 was The W-2 Forms
Jet was Paul McCartney’s Jets (And Remain Much of His Scrotum)