Lollipop Magazine

Garbage Pail – Genetic Splicings we Hope to Never See- Column

September 1, 1999

Genetic Splicings: Peter Chris Cornell, Oliva-Newton John Stamos, Trey Parker Posie.

Garbage Pail – Feminist Drag Queens Refuse to Shave Armpits – Column

September 1, 1999

“Women, and men dressed like women, have been treated like second-class citizens for too long,” says Feminist Drag Queen Council president Vulva Venus.

Garbage Pail – Family Reunions We Hope to Never See – Column

September 1, 1999

Family Reunions: Patrick & Jon Stewart. Mel, William & Debby Gibson. Steve & Rickie Martin. Norm, Ronald & Old MacDonald.

Coroner’s Corner – I’ve Seen This Somewhere Before – Column

September 1, 1999

Many of this year’s offerings are nicely packaged effects-enhanced rip-offs. Even Blair Witch Project copies another lesser known, more controversial film.

Graffic Traffic – Column

September 1, 1999

We present the Insane Clown Posse – The Ups and Downs of the Wicked Clowns. Here is written the whole fake origin of the two innocent lads.

Import Zone – Column

September 1, 1999

Imagine if Natalie Merchant sounded as furious as Alanis Morisette, joined forces with a full-on rock band with metal roots and started singing in Italian.

Garbage Pail – Samantha Fox to Join Spice Girls – Column

September 1, 1999

The popular British brand have finally found a replacement who can fill the expansive bra of the departed Ginger Spice. Her name: S-s-s-amantha Fox!

Garbage Pail – It’s Time for a Softer, Gentler America – Column

September 1, 1999

What I would like to add at this point is that the news about Americans distrusting a sexually active man is the door into the White House which I’ve been eagerly awaiting. I am 35 years old and a natural-born citizen of the United States. I’ve been impotent for years.

Sarre-Chasm – Throwing Words Against the Wall – Column

September 1, 1999

Moronic. At base, it’s an insult, but after the late ’70s, it was a compliment in a highbrow-to-low sorta way.

Garbage Pail – Finally! A Scientific Study We Can All Understand! – Column

September 1, 1999

Researchers at UMass released a new study indicating that, contrary to beliefs about its destructive effects, collegiate binge drinking is a fucking blast.