Lollipop Magazine

The Culture Bunker – Fiction

September 1, 1996

Observe the complete rundown of the work required to complete an average Culture Bunker…

True Stories of the Scene Patrol – Fiction

September 1, 1996

“I’m writing you up. You and your whole Starbuck’s Coffee klatch-rock are finished. Bend over.” “But why, man?” “Because I care.” “Agggggggggggggggggggggggh.”

Bill Shatner: Now He Belongs – Fiction

August 1, 1996

Shatner reads from Shakespeare, Dylan (Bob), Lennon-McCartney, and others. It should surprise no one that Shatner stirs souls reading Shakespeare.

Vote For Clinton. He Is Not A Dick – Fiction

August 1, 1996

Hey, Republican leadership, just because the liberal media is out to get you doesn’t mean you’re not the sorriest collection of the undead since Dark Shadows.

Norwegian Surgeons – Fiction

August 1, 1996

Seventeen guitars were smashed at the first show. By the time the band broke up, he had smashed 700 guitars, most of them donated, all but the first, stolen.

Karma – Fiction

August 1, 1996

Puking on the subway would be amazing. Everyone would be forced to endure the putrid stink of your throw-up until the next stop. There’s nothing they could do.

Candy Man – Fiction

August 1, 1996

I was the kingpin of the playground candy circuit which ran from my 6th grade year to the summer of junior high. Nobody could touch me.

Lollipop – The Wonder Years – Fiction

June 1, 1996

Job: Write a fluffed-up article about The Lollipop Kids, the colorful munchkins of the magazine biz, and the trials and tribulations they’ve experienced.

Dear Editor – Fiction

June 1, 1996

I am a small fat troll of an old lady who enjoys waddling down subway platforms in front of educated, good-looking, productive, and adjective-obsessed young men.

Bewitched – Samantha Stevens, Other Worldly Suffragette – Fiction

June 1, 1996

Samantha could have toppled skyscrapers and Jeannie could have short-fused rockets faster than June Cleaver served Wonder Bread fluffernutters, yet neither did.