Lollipop Magazine

Death Race 2000 – Fiction

May 1, 1996

“The Emperor has no clothes,” yelled naked boys to their naked confederates, as stark naked pretenders to the throne smirked sagely. Nobody blushed.

Tomorrow Never Cares – An Exclusive interview with John Lennon – Fiction

April 1, 1996

The press was calling him “the new Lennon” and all that. I told him, “You got it all wrong, Kurty-boy, someone has to shoot YOU.” We had a giggle over that one.

Cops 1996 – Ficition

March 1, 1996

“Son, you’re behind the wheel of a V-8 powered, fully-loaded, American built Ford Crown Victoria automobile. T’ain’t no ‘scuse for going 55. No ‘scuse at all.”

A Living Hell – Fiction

March 1, 1996

If I hear one more born-again poser trying to tell me about how cool Christian Industrial Death Metal is, I’m going to nail somebody’s living carcass to a tree.

A Few of My Favorite Things – Column

February 1, 1996

Favorite Bodily Function: Speech. Shut me up if you’ve heard this one.

Thus Spake the Prophet Mitchell to the inhabitants of Allston/Brighton – Fiction

February 1, 1996

Only too late you will realize your siren song is a groan, your poetry is a drink menu, and your drawing is a half-hearted wipe of your sorry ass.

Out of Bounds – Review

December 1, 1995

Out of Bounds is a political ‘zine, and as ‘zines go, its viewpoints are not particularly beyond the pale. A lot of non-music ‘zine reviews.

Ghost Busters – Fiction

December 1, 1995

“Sorry, folks,” Mr. Ranger informs them. “You’ll have to come back another time. That geyser won’t be gushing until further notice. The government is closed.”

Prelude to a Lick: The Revenge – Column

November 1, 1995

Maybe we can’t get our assignments in on time, at least we can drive. Quit your bitching about how everyone isn’t like you. It would be a scary world if we were.

Radio Ga-Ga – Fiction

November 1, 1995

I miss the Third World dictators we propped up to save the world from Soviet expansionism. Ever since the Berlin Wall came down, life just hasn’t been the same.