Decision Making 101
by The Gumball Guru (aka Scott Hefflon)
Hey, I just decided something. I thought I’d write it out before I forgot it, or the notion became obsolete. Actually, this sparkling something matured last night in a wee-hour b.s. session I had with my R.M., D.F. O.K., it was actually at 9 o’clock this morning that the something began to really take shape, but the decision didn’t come until three hours later when I awoke today. It’s actually tomorrow morning now, but we’re getting a little muddy trying to nail down the time frame. The sands keep shifting, don’t they? Anyway…
I got to thinking, “Where am I really getting with all this simplistic life introspective stuff?” That’s a pretty tough question, ya know? Pick it apart and think about it. “Where am I getting?” Geography of the soul, man. There ain’t no maps, ’cause no one knows the terrain, ’cause no one’s ever been here ’cause if they had, it wouldn’t be called “soul searching.”
You’d just follow the directions to the X on the map and there you’d be. Finding yourself just isn’t that easy. So you stumble blindly through the pitfalls with no clue where you’re trying to go.
What if you don’t recognize yourself when you finally do meet? If the real you is so drastically different from the current you, how do you expect to suddenly converge and become yourself? Here’s a not-so-pleasant thought: What if you don’t like the real you? You finally find yourself only to discover you’re a jerk. What a let down. Could you except that? You kinda have to. It’s you. But getting back to the “Where am I getting?” question; isn’t it kinda hard to measure progress when you don’t know precisely where you started, where you went, where you’re going, and where that elusive self is? Well, just plop down right where you are and think about it. “It” being your past, and your plans for future progression. But you know something? That’s a load of shit. It’s kinda hard to get anywhere when you keep sitting down to think about wherever it is you’ve been. Planning ahead? Yeah, right! You don’t know what’s out there, so how can you predict diddley? You can’t. Sure is fun watching re-runs though, huh? It’s ’cause you already know the ending, you unimaginative chicken shit! Get up!
Which brings me to another point. (Double check, if you must, but I’ve made a few points prior to this.) The saying goes: “A body in motion tends to stay in motion.” Yeah, no shit. My question is: Does it much matter what motion it is in which that body is tending to stay? I don’t think so. Doing dishes, various bathroom functions, moving boxes… same shit, different motion. The spicings change, the side orders vary, the helpings are different, and the characteristics of the load you dump afterwards fluctuate accordingly. That’s the point (if, in fact, there is to be one); it doesn’t matter, ’cause it’s all just shit.
My current question to my current self(s) is this: Why do I work some little pee-on 9-5 job making dick for money? Answers (well, rationalizations): 1) I like my job, 2) It gives me Something To Do, 3) It gives me something to bitch about. Well, each of the many times I’ve been unemployed (which is a job in itself), I had those same perks. Couldn’t I, therefore, have that same job dis-and-satisfaction from “formal” education or some pompous-assed career? Same thing; Something To Do, just one more thing to bitch about, just more money (but I’m sure I could find a way to bitch about that, too.).
Jobs are designed to occupy your time for 40 or so hours a week (jogging in circles), and give you the money to spend on other silly hobbies/ tasks/ side projects (jogging in circles) that make you “happy.” None of us are really going anywhere, or getting anywhere. Some just get more substantial paychecks jogging in circles. I need a new track to jog on. I’m bored.
