Lummox

Natural Born Swillers (God)
by Chaz Thorndike

Once I convinced my pansy-assed stereo to play the disc, Natural Born Swillers opened with some “Hot for Teacher” drum shit, but quickly redeemed itself with “Natural Born Swiller,” the story of three full-on stoners the media got shit-faced. While there aren’t lyric sheets, “New Country” should be bellowed from bar stools in shameless rock dives around the world. Lumbering through a heavy, simple rhythm (the rest is for guitar geeks and Rush-listening prog rock dumb fucks), Lummox proclaims “there ain’t no cowboys left in Nashville/ just a bunch of pansy wanna-be glam rockers” and that “‘country’ isn’t about drinking, and fighting, and fucking/ it’s about greasy spoons, pretty chicks, and trucking/ ‘cowboys’ who wear make up and panty hose/ and get a doctor to give ’em a Michael Jackson nose.” This backwoods, redneck rock is here to fuck shit up. Mixed amidst the speedkills scum punk the X-Cops/Gwar or Fear woulda written (especially if Ving’d give up on his movie cameos. Wasn’t Flashdance bad enough, pal?), there are the roadhouse/outhouse shit-talkin’ jams that make swingin’ cats like The Reverend Horton Heat look like stuffed sequined-shirt fashion victims. And to think the general public is shakin’ their way-white butts to pop tarts like the Spin Doctors instead of Lummox’s “Put the Cunt Back in Country.” This is the straight shit.