Garbage Pail

Just a Thought…

by Scott Hefflon
illustration by MCA

Ever wondered who this gender-nonspecific Webster person is who defines our language? Is that a first name, and would it be considered so definitive if it were called Jimmy’s Pocket Dictionary? And what of Roget? What do we really know about this Roget character? I mean, could it be that some French dude just sat down one day with some friends and a big bag of weed and said the French equivalent of, “Hey, let’s get totally whacked and really think about language, man. Let’s brainstorm about all the different synonyms for words, all the subtle nuances and, like, cross-reference, ya know, stuff. Better yet, let’s dig English, man. Wow, like that’ll be a trip. Yeah, and then let’s get it published and blow all our royalty checks on pizza, booze, and hookers.”