Coroner’s Corner
Evil Deader Just Got Better
by John Bikowski
illustration by Eric Johnson
Hi there… I just got back from another Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors in New York City. One of the highlights of this psycho convention was that I had the opportunity to see Gene Simmons (Mr. Long Tongue himself from KISS). He was there to promote the new film Detroit Rock City which will be hitting theaters in the Spring. The basic story concerns a group of die-hard KISS fans who are trying desperately to make it to a KISS concert. The movie looks pretty hilarious because along the way they suffer all kinds of problems and beatings thereby holding viewers’ interest levels high. Throw in some live concert footage and you have perfect potential to entertain people like me… which is harder than you might imagine.
Other guests at the convention included most of the cast from the gore-fest Day of the Dead and the man responsible for unleashing Wizard of Gore and Blood Feast: HG Lewis. But the man I really went to see was none other than Dario Argento, who happens to be the greatest director in the entire universe. During his talk, I made a distinct point of mentioning that to him which of course caused the crowd to go wild. Argento then became embarrassed and pretended to leave the stage. For one brief moment, I thought I was going to have my ass kicked by several angry strangers. But Argento saved me by coming back to amaze everyone with his pseudo-English speaking skills. For those who don’t know, Dario Argento is the director of such masterpieces as Suspiria and Deep Red. If you haven’t seen either one of these, you should immediately drop this magazine and get crackin’ – you won’t be sorry (unless you are really stupid and cannot appreciate true art). Awww… come on… don’t be angry. I didn’t necessarily mean “you.” Anyway, it seems that this Italian Maestro is just finishing up a reworking of Phantom of the Opera starring Julian Sands and Argento’s hot daughter, Asia.
Another cool director, William Lustig of Maniac fame was on hand to announce his plans to remaster films like Demons and Demons 2 and release them completely uncut. He mentioned that one of the prime video releases is available at your local video shop right now. The film in question is the remastered version of The Evil Dead. You should really check out the lush colors and enhanced sound of this classic.
In case you need further prodding, let me inform you that The Evil Dead is one of the best horror/gore films ever made. Amazingly, the film was a very low budget item directed by a very young and talented Sam Raimi. Here is a basic synopsis of this little gem: a group of young friends head off for a weekend at an isolated cabin and wind up finding some stuff a previous visitor left behind. Among the items is a tape recorder that has the ramblings of an archaeology professor. Everyone gathers around to listen as the professor explains how he and his wife have undergone demonic intervention. The voice on the tape then recites the ancient Candarian passages that once again summon the wood demons. Needless to say, this sullen news starts to freak out the unsuspecting listeners. One of the girls flips so badly she decides to hoof it out into the wilderness alone. Unfortunately for her, the woods are alive and quite horny. She is held down by vines which then proceed to rip off a good deal of her clothing. While the vines have her legs spread wide, a rather thick branch gets jammed up her… well… somehow she manages to escape (and walk!) back to the cabin to warn her buddies. Soon after, there is an incredibly scary moment where the girls are trying to play a card-reading game, but the woods’ rape victim chimes in using an increasingly demonic voice and she starts to get every card right until… wham! She is floating in mid-air and nasty-looking. She warns the humans that they have screwed up and will soon die. From this point on,The Evil Dead grips you in a series of very well set up sequences that will keep you riveted to the end. I don’t intend to give away the rest of the film but I will divulge that much blood is spilled and splattered. Besides the blood, there are plenty of other vomitous substances tossed with reckless abandon. Also, be on the lookout for such classic moments as ankle surgery with a lead pencil, a double eye-gouge that unleashes gouts of thick, pouring gore, and another scene where a demon chews through the rest of the sinew holding her wounded hand to her wrist. An awesome film, and it’s out there waiting for you! Might I add that this is one great party tape (especially if they are out of Barney’s Birthday Bonanza).
