Seedy Haikus – Column

Seedy Haikus

By Gnikrap On
(translated by Leopold Doppler)

(The things I must do to bargain with Scott for the new Spiritualized.)

(Sealed Fate)

Chicks doing lounge pop
Make me want – hah? It’s a guy?
Shit! Am I gay now?

The Legendary Jim Ruiz Group
Sniff (Minty Fresh)

In the pop dumpster
The Jazz Butcher’s table scraps –
“Quick! Fill your bag, Jim!”

The Little Red Songbook (Le Grand Magistery)

Cold, brilliant nutcase –
Like the Pet Shop Boys if led
By Jack the Ripper.

Delirium Tremens (Goldenfly)

Who’da thunk those Swans
And Foetus bandmates would turn
Gypsies, tramps and thieves?

Butthole Surfers
After the Astronauts (Capitol)

Has this been released?
No? I’ll play the advance… oh.
I think I see why.

Trance Atlantic Air Waves
The Energy of Sound (Virgin)

They had a contest:
“Update ancient techno-cheese”
And this came in fifth.

The Church
Hologram of Baal (Thirsty Ear)

The album’s called what?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
The album’s called what?!?

Marilyn Manson
Mechanical Animals (Nothing/Interscope)

This is Ground Control
To Major Waste of Time – your
Time’s up. Bye. (Nice tits.)