Wish You Were Queer
Two-Part Tribute to Ministry (Invisible)
by Scott Hefflon
Wait, I thought Ministry was a cover band… K, so that’s low, but Ministry stopped mattering many years ago, and if you’ve ever gone back to listen to them, you’re kind of amazed at how unpowerful they are by current standards. And Ministry was all about the power, seeing as there wasn’t a helluva lot else going on…
And both these tributes, I’m sorry to say, water down “the word” even more. Where once there was distorted tribal drumming and mic-swallowing rants’n’howls and simple-yet-effective shotgun blasts of guitar (repetitive as all shit, but this ain’t guitar rock, dig?), now there’s thin post-disco dance beats, limp keyboards and faggy synths, and weak whispers and unconvincing yelps of frustration.
On Wish You Were Queer, most of the songs chosen aren’t my faves, and they all sound like Erasure or Depeche Mode on a bad day with some over-dramatic hack on vocals. Why they bothered to display their ineptitude, I have no idea. Meathead does a nicely chaotic quickie of “Say You’re Sorry,” but I chuckle at it like early death metal cuz, ya know, it’s more silly than scary. Trust Obey vs Paved in Skin updates “Revenge” from the fruity days to the mid-heavy industrial dancemix and the result is quite pleasant. In case you don’t feel like buying this: Meg Lee Chin, Pig, TRS-80, Here, Hate Dept, Julian Beeston, The Hardgore Cadaverdog Sexslaves, Eco-Hed, Death Ride 69, Not Breathing.
Another Prick in the Wall has a bit more o’ the roar, but everything here is still significantly worse than the originals, so what’s the point? And while these songs are more of my faves, that almost makes it worse, ya know? How anyone can screw up songs as simple as “Jesus Built My Hotrod” and “Thieves” is beyond me, but Shining and Resident Phase Shifter accomplish just that. And while this collection of “arty” electroheads seems quite interested in the droning, plodding, sample-heavy passages of the Ministry back catalog, they don’t do much of anything besides trying to copy it and failing. I don’t get it… Dumb fuckin’ metal bands have captured the power of Ministry better and been able to fake the cerebral stuff well enough to fool dumbass metal fans (let’s face it, metal fans aren’t all that bright and Ministry songs really aren’t all that tough once you know what yer doing), so I really expected more tech wizardry from these eyelinered hacks. Again, very let down by botha these… And what’s the supposed Ministry/Pink Floyd connection? Tepid Inside: Electric Hellfire Club, En Esch, Meg Lee Chin, Terminal 46, Attrition, The Aliens, Dessau, Deist Requiem, Sons of Midnight, Heavy Water Factory.