Tales from the Crypt

Monsters of Metal (The Right Stuff/Capitol)
by Scott Hefflon

“Play it loud, kiddies!” Good advise from the ambiguously-sexed dead one. 20 tracks here, including the welcome campy commentary from the Cryptkeeper, totals up to a white-knuckle monster metal ridejoy. Spanning the decades from ’76’s “Heaven and Hell” (near the end of Black Sabbath‘s reign as metal godfathers – since they’ve staggered like senile fogies, occasionally repeating words of wisdom once uttered) to ’00’s Apartment 26 (could be Kittie or Coal Chamber for all it really matters, though this is a surprisingly good example of a genre I see little value in), Monsters of Metal has all sorts of time periods and sub-genres represented. And while some might bicker a bit over which Judas Priest, Anthrax, Armored Saint, Pantera or Dio song might’ve been more appropriate, it all comes out in the wash cuz they had the good sense to include vintage Megadeth and Queensrÿche, the wherewithal to remember greats like Metal Church, Prong and Mercyful Fate (Prong’s “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” should be worshiped by far more groove-metal losers before realizing they might as well just give it up already), not to mention fine taste in current fave flaves like Entombed, The Haunted, and Arch Enemy. Unlike the Dracula 2000 soundtrack (and countless others) which has every disposable metal mouth-breather worth the big bucks today and is doomed to the cut-out bin as soon as the Great Unchallenged move on to their next abomination, Monsters of Metal has class and style and breadth and brains amidst the Cryptkeeper’s cackles.