Europe

The Final Countdown (Portrait/Legacy)
by Scott Hefflon

C’mon, you know the song, “The Final Countdown”… It’s the song you can tap out on any cheesy keyboard and ears perk up. Sure, an instant later you duck many, many objects thrown at your head, but for that brief moment, you made everyone frown in concentration as they searched their memory banks, “What is that song? I know that triumphant melody… I know that building gallop, I know that… Shit, that’s fuckin’ Europe isn’t it!?!” And that’s when you better duck.

The song repeats the title perhaps more than any song ever has. Ever. In all of recorded history. Seriously.

They had another hit, a ballad (yeah, unlike the rest of the manly warrior stance of these back-lit, teased-haired, satin-jacket-wearing cuties) called “Carrie.” Night Ranger rocked harder, just to give you some perspective here. Some of the harmonies remind me of Warrant’s “Heaven Isn’t Too Far Away,” but more, ya know, European and, well, faggy. Not like “Rock the Night” and “Heart of Stone” are tunes I’d recommend you whistle while strutting your mullet-over-jean-jacket-collar look through the mall like it’s 1986 cuz you’ll probably end up skipping lightly and may, in fact, unwittingly prance and, ahem, “carry yourself in a frolicsome manner.” This stuff rocks like the Flashdance theme. And I don’t even wanna talk about “Ninja” and the minor hit “Cherokee.” Yeah, like Swedes with mounds of hair and colorful scarves know the plight of the red man, right? Bonus live tracks from ’87 are tacked at the end for “The Final Countdown,” “Danger on the Tracks,” and “Carrie.” Get yer lighters out, girls, just watch the hair, willya?
(www.legacyrecordings.com)