Turbonegro

Darkness Forever! (Blitzcore)
by Jon Sarre

I never paid much attention to these high-octane Norsemen ’til a couple nights back when I had a back-breakin’, head-splittin’ evening pourin’ watery domestic & shots of whatever’s-cheapest for a few hundred Cradle of Filth fans. Coffee cups fulla whiskey, the new Scared of Chaka and a surprise appearance by NYC’s Two Man Advantage (who stopped by to say hi cuz they were playin’ across town) got me thru fifteen hours behind the bar. The end of the nite grew nigh when Moe, a cook where I work, throws in Turbonegro‘s Darkness Forever, figurin’ it’ll get rid of the death metal kids cuz, in his estimation, a”stupid people don’t get it.” It was probably the sheer fatigue, drunkenness and lack of funds that actually got rid of the metalheads, but with all the “woahs!”‘n'”alrights!” after almost every song and the rock’n’roll posturin’, well, Moe had a point about stupidity. There’s a tongue’n’cheek quality goin’ on here, ‘specially when they do stuff like “Back to Dungaree High,” “Don’t Say Motherfucker, Motherfucker,” “Are You Ready (For Some Darkness),” “Hobbit Motherfuckers” and “I Got Erection” (which sounds like “I got election”).

Oddly enough, I got home and someone had sent me a copy of the exact same post-hu Turbonegro live best-of I’d just been listenin’ to. I brought it in the next time I worked. Poison Idea played. It was perfect last-call music. The five people who got it loudly and drunkenly sang along and yelled “whoh!” and “alright” after every song and everyone else wandered around in a post-PI haze. Of course, it took turnin’ on the nasty fluorescent lights and Bong, another cook, goin’ up to people and tellin’ ’em point blank to take the hint and get lost cuz the lights hurt his brain’n’killed his buzz’n’y’all look really ugly right now anyway. But Darkness Forever isn’t just for clearin’ bars, it sounds great on my home stereo, too.
(Columbus and Prebbles Aves. Pittsburgh, PA 15233)