by Chad Van Wagner
Intervention my ass. Right now we’ve got a jug-eared goofball in the White House who reportedly has an IQ of 91, the economy has college graduates begging for “you want fries with that” level jobs, Metallica continues to remind us that nothing good lasts forever, and they’re making a Cat In The Hat movie with Mike Meyers. Among other things. And on top of all this, you expect us to quit drinking?
Modern Drunkard Magazine has our backs. Namely, in the article entitled “How to Ace an Intervention.” Simple, easy to remember (fortunately) hints on how to turn the tables. Case in point: Give them nifty nicknames (“Osama works on nearly everyone.”)
Yet this invaluable bit of info is just the tip of the (crushed) iceberg. Modern Drunkard Magazine has dizzyingly thorough online (and print) rants on the joys and pluses of tonsil polish. In times where what were once minor flaws become gargantuan “social problems,” it’s a joy to see something so gleefully, unrepentantly politically incorrect.
Yet that simple, no-holds-barred attitude is not what sets Modern Drunkard apart. While the tongue is certainly in cheek, there’s an undeniable thread of sincere, almost Zen like philosophy. While articles like the “Dead Celebrity Drink Off” (Orson Welles Vs. Dorothy Parker is particularly amusing) certainly tickle the funny bone, there are also ruminations such as “The Zen of Drinking Alone,” which, oddly, really do make a weird kind of sense.
As mentioned before, the Drunkard is nothing if not thorough. Dial up browsers are likely to get disconnected in the time it takes to get through one of the articles, because these people aren’t content with flip answers and simple statements. Long, involved and (dare I say it?) well thought-out arguments can be found in most of the editorials which blur that line between satire and simple sincerity that much more. Which, as any student of the snide arts will tell you, is exactly when things get interesting.