Eat Hufu

by Chad Van Wagner

I’ve been living in a foreign country for about six months now, and there are a few things I’ve had to get used to, foodwise. Blue cheese on pizza. Fermented, stretchy soybeans for breakfast. A complete lack of hamburger that isn’t at least 50% pork.

That said, I still maintain some standards. I never quite got into that whole “eating other people” thing (well, not… never mind). I’ve missed out, apparently. So what is the enterprising epicurean gonna do when you can’t fry up your neighbor?

Enter hufu. Hufu is, well, why don’t I let the fine people at “Eat Hufu” explain?

“Hufu is designed to resemble, as humanly possible (sic), the taste and texture of human flesh. If you’ve never had human flesh before, think of the taste and texture of beef, except a little sweeter in taste and a little softer in texture. Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken.”

“Pork or chicken” were not the first things I thought of during… Aw, screw it. I can’t keep the oral sex jokes up.

Anyway, what kind of thing does one make with Hufu? Well, the site is more than happy to provide recipes, such as “Aztec Human Stew” and “Hufu Stroganoff.” There are even Hufu Pirogues.

OK, cute. Very funny, yes? Well, yes and no. Apparently, Hufu DOES exist, although I can only imagine they sell more T-shirts than they do anything else. While the best satire is done with such a straight face that it’s difficult to say for sure that it IS satire, these guys seem kinda serious. Ah well, any excuse to eat something besides squid pizza, I guess.
(www.eathufu.com)