by Scott Hefflon
Coincidentally, I just got back my old four-track tapes from when I was in college, a friend taking their sweet goddamn time converting them to CD for me so I won’t spill any more drinks on them, seeing as I can only listen to music that awful when blind drunk and suicidally nostalgic. Best way to remind myself that the past sucked as badly as now is to listen to how horrible my old songs are, thus reminding me “the good old days” are a crock of shit. Life’s always sucked, and so have I.
Shat sucks. 69 songs about fucking your wife and poop and cunts and such. Like S.O.D., without most of the charm. I mean, one man band Jeff Wood isn’t GG or some mean-spirited racist/chauvinistic shithead, he’s just having fun, it’s just, uh, he’s signed to Buddyhead for a reason, ya know? It’s Buddyhead humor and Buddyhead scale. Each ditty is one joke, and sometimes the 60 seconds it takes up of your life is 30 seconds too much. Or more. But with A.C. (Anal Cunt) gone, S.O.D. (hopefully) done ruining their accidental genius status by trying to repeat the process and failing miserably, M.O.D.’s Billy Milano probably unloading trucks somewhere, and punk like Sloppy Seconds simply not available, maybe we simply have to sift through Cuntree to find a handfulla classics to appreciate with our friends. With 69 songs, it’s not hard to find five or six that make you chuckle. I kinda like the back-to-back “Gobble Gobble Goo” and “Cummin’-N-Goin'” metal looping choruses, like Bloodhound Gang’s “Yummy Down on This.” Sure, it’s not as clever as BHG’s “A Lap Dance is Always Better When the Stripper is Crying,” but it’s recorded a lot better than my old “drop-out” tapes, for whatever that’s worth.