Cradle of Filth
by Scott Hefflon
Cradle of Filth couldn’t keep it up forever, and while they still smoke pretty much any spiky-haired brat-metal boyz in eyeliner and tight tees, these old codgers are gettin’ tired, and it shows. The paces are less suicidal, Dani’s screech is a little labored, and foot-stomp and spooky stalkings don’t make women clutch small children to their breast like “holy god, what IS that racket” like the pure, blood-boiling lunacy of yore did. Hell, women now drive their kids to the mall, where Cradle of Filth is a hot-seller at Hot Topic. Proof that there is no god, and therefore these demons are merely metal dudes slowing down in with age. But hell, at least they’re still giving Doug “Pinhead” Bradley work, now that the Hellraiser series is only slightly less hoaky than A Nightmare on Elm St. series. The true test of bottom-scraping is cameos and covers, and that HIM butthead lending his overrated croon to the otherwise passable “The Byronic Man” prog shamble is almost as bad as the closing cover of the skippy ’80s gem by Heaven 17, “Temptation.” In Flames rocked Depeche Mode’s “Everything Counts” years ago, so I guess metal covering (dark) new wave isn’t considered wildly conflicting anymore. Funny, I seem to recall pogoing Cure fans tsking metal as boorish, and Slayer fans beating the shit out them and their floppy black bangs. When a metal band covers Erasure, then I’ll know the end is near.