Prelude to a Lick – The Editor’s Rant – Column

Prelude to a Lick

by Scott Hefflon
illustrations by Jef Taylor

You may have noticed this is our THIRD ANNIVERSARY ISSUE. Yeah, so we went and put it on the cover, wrote long-winded essays about the trials and undulations, and even reprinted some of our best quotes ever. We had to use the space somehow, right? Next year we’ll probably try a photo montage of gratuitous (and staged) award ceremonies, and various Lollipoparazi shots of our staffers and other people you’ve never heard of before.

And now we come to the part of our program where I sum up the sob story that is the monthly soap opera around these parts. Oh boo hoo. My pain, my pain… Fact is, it’s summertime – I don’t feel like watering down my drink with the tears of self-pity. Also, the convulsions might cause spillage, and I just don’t think I could handle the loss, man. So yeah, my last few Editor’s wanks have been a bit trite, whiny, doomsaying, and just downright depressing. Like sissy-core lyrics. Sorry, ’bout that. I’ve just been tickled pink (a manly, sort of rough around the edges pink, I must add. Harumph!) by routing through 26 issues in a row searching for clever quotes. Chuckle. I’ve been milking the same one-liners, in a dizzying array of mutilations, for almost three years. I need a break.

So there it is. LOLLIPOP DOESN’T COME OUT AGAIN UNTIL AUGUST. Just thought I’d save you the fines from loitering at your favorite newsstand to get your sweaty little fingers on our non-existent July issue. A hearty congratulations to Trona for winning the WBCN Rumble. I wasn’t invited, but I have a very good therapist who’s helping me get through it. Um, I was supposed to go to press a coupla hours ago, so I’m going to just make the type size really big. This here issue is 80+ pages long, so what’s one lousy page matter? Nobody really reads these things, do they? (Mom, I’ll send you a letter this month, OK?)

Have a summer.