Before You Were Punk

(Vagrant)
by Scott Hefflon

New wave hits of the ’80s covered by all your favorite ’90s punk rock bands. If you’re wary of this sucker, you’re very wise. Before You Were Punk coulda been yet another collection of the same old hotshot punk bands covering silly songs from a decade many of us wish we could deny we were ever a part of. Friendship pins, rollerskating rinks, rollercoasters, Chevy Chase movies, parachute pants, gobs of gaudily-colored accessories, and early MTV videos by bands with spiky haircuts, Chess King clothing, and slick synthesizer sounds of yet another wave of the British pop explosion. Insert your own embarrassing decade-long lapse in judgment here. We all watched John Hughes movies as if they were stories of our own high school experience – how pathetic is that? Feeling a sense of camaraderie with Anthony Michael Hall (prior to his beefed-up bad boy image in Johnny Be Good and Edward Scissorhands)… is it any wonder we were such a confused generation of soon-to-be-slacker losers, baby, with no self-esteem who all just wanted to be popular? (Excuse me while I mix my decades, shaken not stirred with an olive of irony.) Feathered-hair yearbook photos and the inability to look “old friends” in the eye ’cause I know full well we used to blast Def Leppard tunes (nothing post-Pyromania, thank you) and jump around the room in our sock feet jamming screaming guitar solos into our pant legs, that’s all that’s left of the ’80s. Until now.

I think the law was recently passed – that silent, in-the-know kinda law among card-carrying coolsters – which allows us, the trend-setting (just ask us) post-alternative swing kids, to scoff at anything referencing mainstream ’80s glitz pop. I think Nerf Herder’s “Van Halen” and the rumor of an “industrial” Mötley Crüe record were the straws that broke Joe Camel’s back, and we abandoned the spineless dicknose in search of new fixes (not to be confused with The Fixx) and new thrill kill kults. Meanwhile, redneck fests and white trash parties are the new Rave scene, and studio recluses discover that they too can sound like Atari Teenage Riot if they crank their Casios to 11. There is no God. And even if there were, His message’d be overplayed and crammed into the cut-out bin with Green Day’s Amnesia and Pearl Jam’s, uh, whatever it was called. But I regress.

Before You Were Punk opens with Good Riddance covering Modern English’s “I Melt With You.” I’m blanking on which movie soundtrack’s groove I wore down by playing this song so much, but it probably had swimming pools, skateboarding, or Phoebe Cates in it. Sure, a guitar playing that oh-so-hummable cheesy keyboard sound isn’t quite the same (remember MxPx trying desperately to play the riff in A-Ha’s “Take on Me” on On The Cover?), but the looping verses and the “nyah-nyah-nyah” replacement of “mmm-mmm-mmm” are pure brilliance. And most of all, Good Riddance not only plays fast, they play with energy (which is not at all the same thing), and they sound like they’re having a blast. No Use For A Name covers The Vapors’ “Turning Japanese,” a roller rink speed-kills classic, and pumps the pace up only a touch more than the original. I wiped out big time to this song once and ripped a hole in my favorite pair of corduroys. Boy was my mom mad. Unfortunately, they slow down the “No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it’s dark” part to a high-steppin’ ska bridge which slowly builds back to the manic chorus. I heard a no-name bunch of kids cover this song at a VFW show once, and they sped up the same part to the point where DRI’s Dealing With It sounded lethargic. Ever notice how both rollerskating and slamming inspire youth to enthusiastically go around and around in circles? Just a thought…

Unfortunately, Face to Face‘s cover of The Cure’s “In Between Days” is just not up to par. Robert Smith doesn’t need people to cover his early songs badly, he’s getting rather good at that himself. And while the production is top-notch, the song doesn’t allow Face to Face to show what they do best. Guttermouth opted for Joe Jackson’s “Happy Loving Couples,” and while Mark Atkins’ signature voice may “ruin” it for die-hard Jackson fans, the song sounds as if it coulda been written for them. Next up, surprisingly, is the best track on the album, Automatic 7’s cover of the Psychedelic Furs’ “Pretty in Pink.” They’ve got the low-key guitar sound down pat, and the almost-monotone British inflection is right fuckin’ on. As a band I never gave much more credit than “Yeah, they’re OK,” this song really wins me over. Following that, Unwritten Law do a damn fine job with Adam Ant’s “Goody Two Shoes.” Capturing the big tom sound of the drumming and the subtle blatting of the trumpets, even though they don’t take it the full-on distance of the original, Unwritten Law show they can carry a pop tune with the best of the bunch.

Another go-nowhere-special cover is Blink-182‘s cover of Billy Idol’s “Dancing With Myself.” It’s not the extended bass riff version, and they don’t do anything interesting except a cheap-shot falsetto scream, but the closing paraphrase of the Descendents’ “Sour Grapes” is gorgeous, and hopefully intentional. To wit: “Wow. Hey, you look great tonight. Wow, that’s insane. Where’d you get that done? Yeah, I’ve never seen a circumcision like that before… That’s really great… Do you wanna dance?” But I thought Billy Idol was supposed to be punk in the first place? That’s what he keeps telling us. Same with the next selection, The Mr. T Experience covering The Primitives’ “Crash.” The Primitives were pop/punk before the omni-pervasive “they” had even coined the term. It’s not hard to cover a song so similar to your own style. Too bad MTX don’t really do it very well. It’s such a great, simple song, it’s a shame to hear it hacked up. Down By Law covering Elvis Costello’s (actually Nick Lowe’s) “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding” makes a lot of sense. Similar to the Joe Jackson cover, the styles are so right, it’s unnerving. DBL (not to be confused with DFL) go for the stripped-down sound on this cute puppy, and it makes me appreciate their slickness that much more. Another great track is Hagfish‘s take on the Missing Persons’ “Walking in L.A.” Sure I miss Dale Bozzio’s bird-chirping, oh-that-suntan-lotion-is-cold squeals, but the singing guitar replaces the memorable keyboard melody nicely, and the underlying guitarwork shows that the band actually studied the song before they recorded it. Each nuance is here, as is most of the mood, and while Hagfish are at their best with a subtly sarcastic sneer injected into their over-produced punkpop, here they cover an unobtrusively intricate pop song and they do it right. Jughead’s Revenge roar through a cover of Rod Stewart’s “Young Turks,” and it’s almost frightening that it wasn’t a punk song to begin with. It sounds just right like this. I guess this was long before Rod, Sting, and Jon Bon Jovi sang that “All for Love” yuppy-scum love song for The Three Musketeers (mach 2001). Wait, that was Bryan Adams, not JBJ? Or was that Robin Hood – Costner Wears Tights? I dunno, I’m still trying to blank them out. Bracket close Before You Were Punk with Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309 (Jenny),” the song most covered by punk bands this side of “Jesse’s Girl” and “Summer of ’69.” And I’ve heard much better from Bracket. The AC/DC riffathon as a fade-out is a nice touch, but it doesn’t compare to the first few songs on the disc. Perhaps the flashbacks are just getting worse.