January 2000 – Page 24 – Lollipop Magazine

Labyrinth – Timeless Crime – Review

January 1, 2000

Labyrinth combine warbling vocals layered thick in the chorus, dramatic photos of long-haired guys in frilly-shirts and black capes/cloaks.

Garbage Pail – DNA Action – Column

January 1, 2000

In a landmark deal negotiated in the wake of superstar Michael Jordan’s retirement and last year’s horrendous record, the Chicago Bulls have signed a contract with Jordan landing them exclusive rights to his DNA.

Garbage Pail – Crucifix Out, Electric Chair In – Column

January 1, 2000

The Catholic Church, responding to focus groups’ confusion, has decided to replace the popular image of Jesus Christ nailed on the crucifix. The new symbol will feature Jesus sitting in a more contemporary mode of execution: the electric chair.

Kreator – Endorama – Review

January 1, 2000

I’m always surprised by how little I like Kreator’s ’90s releases. ’87’s Terrible Certainty is one of my faves, right up there with Slayer’s Reign in Blood.

Garbage Pail – The All (Porn) Star Team – Column

January 1, 2000

Professional sports figures whose monikers seem better-suited to a career in the adult-film industry: Magic Johnson. Dennis Rodman. Dick Butkus.

Knoxville Girls – Review

January 1, 2000

With a pedigree this impressive, you can imagine this reporter’s frothy drool upon seein’ some ads around trumpeting the forthcoming Knoxville Girls release.

Kittie – Review

January 1, 2000

A breath of fresh air in an angrier-than-thou biz. Like The Donnas is/was to punk, Kittie bring youthful exuberance to a genre that speaks to angry youth.

Y2K – The 59 All-Time Greatest… – Column

January 1, 2000

Internationally renowned Music/Film/Fashion/Media critic Jean-Paul Bavard was recently asked by the editors of The Journal of French Semiotic Theory for his list of the most important and influential events and people of the 20th century.

Y2k – Show of the Century – Column

January 1, 2000

The top concert of the millennium would be Altamont – Stones, Ike Turner, Hell’s Angels with pool cues, some guy in a lime green sharkskin suit was stabbed to death, there was some fat naked chick who looked like Roseanne Barr in the front…

Y2K – God is an Error Message – Column

January 1, 2000

Y2K has come to save us! There is a God, we realize! For the computer is NOT all-knowing, seeing, and indestructible. It’s foiled by a clock! And as the electronic gods shiver down, whacked in their surprising weak spots like a digital Achilles toppled.