Lard

’70s Rock Must Die (Alternative Tentacles)
by Scott Hefflon

With only three-songs, 18 minutes to talk about, this is gonna be quick… The namesake, the seven-minute struttin’ special, proves how terrible ’70s rock was by being a long, terrible song. Jello Biafra sounds like a Paul Stanley/Bon Scott mutant in too-tight pants suckin’ helium and squealing like a pig being fucked by a burly farmer. The other two tracks? Well, if you long for the early ’90’s sound of boring, plodding, Ministry industrial, here’s more of it. Only instead of Al’s distorto cowboy rants, you get Jello’s unmistakable, um, warble. Lard hasn’t changed a bit, so if you applaud stagnation (calling it sticking-to-roots or something), here’s some for ya. They have cool stickers though.
(www.alternativetentacles.com)