Garbage Pail – If You Can’t Say Anything Nice… – Column

Garbage Pail

by Scott Hefflon, William Ham, and Lex Marburger

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…

  • … use a pseudonym.
  • … do it in 500 words or less.
  • … you’re probably right.
  • … it’s your fault for buying that Lemonheads record anyway.
  • … you’re hired.

Assorted Crap Overhead ’round the Office (as far as you know)

Cow Tipping: Because fat girls need money, too.

If a deaf person swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Good things come to those who mate.

The Warm Fuzzies give me a rash.