Garbage Pail – Band Names that Suck – Column

Iron Nuts
Iron Nuts

Garbage Pail

Band Names that Suck

By Ewan Wadharmi
illustrations by Jonathan Ian Mathers

Pick a name to ensure your band sucks, then pick the alternate rockin’ name.


Bloody Hands Hawkins
Bloody Hands Hawkins

The (any name) Band/Group
Steely (any word)
(anything) Crow, Crows, or Crowes
The (anything) Allstars
(any word)(any number)
The Fabulous (any noun)
(anything) del Norte
Mr. (any surname)
(any adjective) Dead
Anything to do with planes
(any name) Wainwright
Any other band’s song title
Little (any person)
(any woman’s name)(any malady)
Name of fictitious person not in the band
Better Than (any guy)

The Jenna Jameson Experience
The Jenna Jameson Experience


The (any name) Experience
Iron (any word)
(any thing) Hawk, Hawks, or Hawkins
(any name) and His So-Called Friends
(any letter)C5
Los Fabulosos (any noun)
(anything) y los Rudos
Dr. (any surname)
Dead (anything)
Anything to do with rockets
Hank Williams (any number)
Any Harold Pinter title
Boxcar (any person)
(any woman’s name)(any breakfast food)
Name of silly fictitious business
Less Than (any guy)