Lollipop Magazine

Ozz-fête – An “interview” with Ozzy Osbourne – Fiction

November 8, 2002

World famous music/fashion/theatre/ film critic Jean-Paul Bavard met with America’s favorite TV dad/heavy metal singer, Ozzy Osbourne, at a posh café in Hollywood. They discuss Ozzy’s hit MTV show, Ozzfest, his solo recording career and days with Black Sabbath, and the impending death that one day awaits us all.

Le Nouveau New Thing – “Reviews” of new releases – Fiction

August 2, 2002

World famous critic By Jean-Paul Bavard reviews Blink 41’s More Songs About Teenagers With Disposable Incomes, Andrew W.K.’s Party Party Party Party Party Party, Puddle of Nickelsmack, Staindback Park, and CBS Evening News With Dan Rather.

Some Catnip from Burroughs’ Cat – Fiction

April 19, 2002

I just got the package… my cat is going fucking nuts! He’s just pushin’ it all around the apartment with his nose – Ming! Stop that! – what in hell…? I don’t know what you put in it, but thank you, and – Ming! Uh, I gotta go… I’ll call you back.

The Future of Criticism – “Reviews” by Jean-Paul Bavard – Fiction

April 19, 2002

Mon dieu, it is so very simple yet so very true! Every work of art ever created by man can be explained to its very deepest essence by quoting lyrics from Barry Manilow songs.

The Unbearable Likeness of Michael Jackson – An “interview” with Michael Jackson – Fiction

April 19, 2002

Michael Jackson recently granted an interview to the Internationally Renowned Rock/Film/Fashion Critic, Jean-Paul Bavard. Meeting at Neverland Ranch, they discussed Jackson’s record-shattering career, his new album, his musical influences, and the wild rumors that have dogged his personal life.

The Album of Le Nouveau Millennium – Fiction

February 22, 2002

I have seen the future of music, and it is exemplified by one album, an album of such greatness and utter transcendence that it encompasses all of our feelings, hopes, dreams and darkest fears, and it has a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Jean-Paul Bavard’s Tête a Radio-tête – Fiction

June 1, 2001

The tape, oddly labeled “New Unrel. Demos,” begins with approximately 30 seconds of intensely beautiful instrumental guitar-based rock music, followed by a loud clicking noise, and then the voice of Radiohead’s Thom Yorke, beginning in mid-sentence.

Jean-Paul Bavard – “Reviews” – Fiction

April 1, 2001

Along with such glamorous divas as the brilliant Sheena Twain and Lee Ann Busta Rhymes, country music supergroup Faith Hill has brought style, fashion and class to country hillbilly music.

Garbage Pail – Phrases Mistaken for Band Names – Column

April 1, 2001

I kinda always thought a good Nirvana cover band name would be Nirvana-Na-Na. Maybe there already is one. Maybe there are ten, seeing as it’s unlikely any of them’ll ever get signed and need to copyright the name.

Garbage Pail – Genetic Splicings – Column

September 1, 2000

Genetic Splicings We’d Hate to See: Pamela Anderson Lee Majors. Uncle Jesse Ventura. Tenacious D Snider.