Gus Jerusalem and the Konja Gum
Part 1: A Crashed Universe Adventure
by Joe Hacking
illustration by Kevin Banks
Gus Jerusalem awoke to find himself being attacked by a killer hangover. To make matters worse, he was also being attacked by a knife-wielding lunatic.
Flashing out with one of his monstrous arms, Jerusalem stopped the fall of the blade clutched in the lunatic’s stick-like arm. The point stopped only a fraction of an inch from Jerusalem’s small, angry face. With his other arm, he hurled the skinny, ragged creature across the small room to crash against the far wall. Bones popped and snapped as the knife-wielder crumpled to the floor.
With a scream of agony, the lunatic pulled himself up from a pool of his own blood and attacked once more. His broken arm hung uselessly at his side, twisted grotesquely. The knife was shifted to his other hand, and now the madman was limping quickly towards Jerusalem’s bed-ridden form once more. His eyes were glazed and dilated. The scene reminded Jerusalem of the Colonial Wars on Mars when the rebel Scientologists had charged his division at dawn.
Jerusalem reached down next to his bed of wood and straw, and grabbed the first weapon his huge hand could find. Unfortunately for the fanatic, it was the auto-cannon. Swooping the big gun over the bed in an arc, he blasted away at point blank, aiming for the fannie’s legs. The cannon thundered, and gurgling screams filled the room. Blood, muscle and bone splattered against the far wall as the overpowered gun relieved the fannie of his legs. He crashed to the floor on his face.
“Shit,” cursed Jerusalem as smoke curled from the vented barrel of the weapon, “I hope I didn’t kill the fuck.” This wasn’t the first assassin that had tried to cut his silver cord this week. There would likely be others. He had to find out who wanted him dead. The fannie knew.
Bogan Chun leaped into the room, his katanas flashing, small, whipcord body tensed with battle lust. His Asian features were twisted into his best war mask.
“Too late again, Bogan,” growled Jerusalem, “Some ninja you are, he almost got me. And don’t blame it on the whore you got in there.”
Bogan lowered his blades, let his face return to normal. “Is he dead?” Changing the subject was his only defense.
Vomit issued from the would-be assassin, and he was shaking. He was still alive. Taking out his medikit, Jerusalem loaded a stimdose and a truthdose into the hypo and shot the fannie with it. Rolling the legless wretch over, Jerusalem saw the glazed eyes pop open, the drug’s effects taking hold.
“Who are you and who sent you?” Jerusalem’s low voice boomed through the small room.
In a distant voice, the fannie replied. “I am Spam, of the Konja Gum, a humble instrument of the Entity.”
“Why the hell does the Konja Gum Entity want me dead?” Anger filled Jerusalem’s head.
“Because you seek to replace the Walls Between, Gus Jerusalem. You must be stopped. We are to lead in the New Universe, we will…” Jerusalem kicked the fanatic in the head.
“Shut the fuck up,” he said, banging his head off the ceiling as he stood up to his full seven foot height.
“We will stop you, this is truth,” droned the fannie in a monotone. “The Universe will remain naked to our influence until our time has come. None will oppose the Groupmind, no power shall stop us…” He was cut short by the auto-cannon as it blew his head into bloody mush.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” bellowed Jerusalem at the corpse.
“I’ve never seen a warrior and a weapon better matched, comrade,” Bogan strode through the doorway, “It roars as you do.”
“Yeah, well the Konja Gum are gonna hear a lot of roaring before it’s over.” The Konja Gum Entity was one of the fastest growing groupmind cults in the Crashed Universe. To the Konja Gum, the Crash was the basis of their religion. They believed that the barriers between universes have been dropped as part of a plan, and that they, the Konja Gum, were to lead in the New Universe. Jerusalem thought they were just a bunch of assholes who couldn’t cope with the fact that someone, somewhere had fucked up.
“At least now we know what we are up against,” Bogan sheathed his swords, stepping over what looked like a leg. “And I am afraid that the Konja Gum Entity may be too superior a force for us to fight head on, my friend.”
“That’s the only way I fight, Bogey, you know that.”
Bogan thought for a moment. “Every fighting force is only as strong as the sum of its parts.” Perhaps we should locate some of the weaker parts of our enemy. Then your fighting style will be effective. Perhaps our friend, The Wizard can be of some help.”
“That’s what I like about you, Bogey,” said Jerusalem as he lit a Cuban cigar, “you think.”
TO BE CONTINUED
