The Nine Most Inappropriately named American movie releases as dubbed by the Canadian Motion Picture Association
by Jody Boyns
illustration by Michael Corcoran
9. ELLE
Hmmm, sounds like that Jodie Foster movie. Nah, that was Nell. Maybe it’s a movie about Elle MacPherson. Nope. I believe the literal translation of “elle” is “she.” There’s about a thousand movies with ‘She” in the title. I give up.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: 10 (Bo Derek = Elle. I was closer with the Elle MacPherson guess than I thought).
8. L’ARCANGEL
Okay, I think I know this one. Just caught The Prophecy on video again. That featured Christopher Walken as the archangel Gabriel. Different Angel.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: MICHAEL.
7. FRISSON
Gosh, I’m stumped on this one. Sounds like some sort of chocolate dessert. Let’s break the word down. Free son – that’s it! It’s that movie about the jailed IRA prisoners and their mother’s fight to get them freed. It’s Some Mother’s Son, right? Wrong.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: SCREAM.
6. L’HISTOIRE DE CHRISTY BROWN
I’m thinking a ’70s flick a la Get Christy Love. Think again.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: MY LEFT FOOT (Who remembered that his name was Christy Brown?)
5. MISS DAISY ET SON CHAUFFEUR
Okay, so this one’s a gimme. It’s just a much more appropriate title for the movie. The American title left no creative leeway for the adult movie industry (see Pulp Friction and Top Buns).
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: DRIVING MISS DAISY.
4. UN SUJET CAPITAL
Capital, huh? Sounds like it might be a political thriller along the lines of a No Way Out. Not quite.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: CITIZEN RUTH (I don’t get the correlation between Citizen Ruth and its Canadian counterpart, but then again I’ll never figure out why the Canadian version of Citizen Kane was aptly dubbed Le Print Guy).
3. SNOWBOARD ACADEMY
Must be that epic starring the mega talent Bridgette Nielsen currently filming in Canada.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: WHO GIVES A RAT’S ASS?
2. LE REVENGE DU JACK
Jack, huh. Maybe that DeVito film? Or how about a Jack the Ripper movie? He’d be looking for some revenge I bet. All bets off.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (Named after the character Jack Skellington – who’da thunk?).
1. LES DENTS DE LA MUERTE
Okay, so we’ve got the “Teeth of Death.” Kirk Douglas’ character in Spartacus “hamstrung a guard” with his teeth, but he didn’t kill him, so there goes your teeth of death theory. How about Richard Kiel in that James Bond movie? He played Jaws. Jaws – wait a minute. Yeah, there’s that movie named after that Universal Studio shark, Bruce.
AMERICAN MOVIE TITLE: JAWS (Does Spielberg know this? If he sued Canada and won, he’d own it. Does this make Jaws II “Les Dents de la Muerte Deux?” Duh?)
