Gladyss Patches – A Wish This Simple – Review

Gladyss Patches

A Wish This Simple (NFE Records)
by Scott Hefflon

Stupid fuckin’ name, but I run a rock mag called Lollipop, so who am I to talk? This nü metal thing is not much for brains, it’s all about brawn. It ain’t creativity, it’s execution. [Yah, dood, “execution.” Huh?] And luckily, most of the big dumb fucks don’t/can’t read, so it’s safe to make fun of the Neanderthal dumbfucks in print.

So here we are… Gladyss Patches, for the most part, are a step above the rest. Sure, they have plenty of hoo-rah chest-thumping Rage ATM rapping and syrupy guitar chugs that stomp around in small, concentric circles so their fans can curl their shoulders forward or scratch their hairy asses or whatever those apes do, but Gladyss Patches has a strong sense of melody (Tool, Deftones: Singing, in other words), and unlike other meatheads (and yelpy emo pussies), Renz can actually sing. Like Staind only better. Like The Organization only not as painfully beautiful (more chesty – kinda John Bush of Anthrax/Armored Saint – and more predictable harmonies, but geez, The O had moments of genius, so how can anyone compare?). This is the Vancouver band’s second full-length (following an EP, Tijuana Crackwhore, and the full-length Novelty), and it shows an understanding of how to write a tune. They may create nü metal, but they obviously have listened to a wide variety of metal and rock and pop sub-genres and cobbled together favorite aspects, dumbed down, jacked up, and now blast out aggressive/thoughtful songs for beefy suburban guys to work out to.