Mental Shrapnel: Three Words You Never Want To Hear Together – Column

Mental Shrapnel

Lollipop has a long history of making fun of stupid people, stupid trends, over-hyped movies, TV shows, bands, and anything else we see.

There’s no end to the things you can make fun of if you can stop giggling long enough to scribble a one-liner on one of the shut-off notices lying around. That’s what they’re there for.

Mental Shrapnel is a collection of the the weird mental connections you make and riff on with your friends and laugh until you pee. Do your friends think you’re a riot? Well, that’s why they’re your friends. Send in your brain farts anyway.

by Various Writers
illustration by Doug Mac

metalshrapnel-3wordsThree Words You Never Want To Hear Together

My Grandfather’s Pornography
Hot Russian Techno
Loggins and Messina
Profound Scrotal Trauma
Bea Arthur’s Erection
Compulsory Goat Fellatio
Severe Rectal Itch
Uncontrollable Random Diarrhea
by Chad Van Wagner


Competative Projectile Vomiting
Compulsive Anus Sniffing
Wet Dream Theater
by Dave Dawson

My Shit’s Black
Feel This Lump
Why’s This Green?
Hey, Smell This
It’s Your Baby
I Need Bail
Your Mom’s Hot
I’m Your Sister
But We’re Related!
Tragic Waxing Accident
You’re 15? Shit!
Grandpa’s Morning Wood
Grandpa Takes Viagra
Bush is President
I Just Farted
Paulie Shores’ Offspring
Reconstructive Genital Surgery
The Condom Broke
by Dave Dawson and Scott Hefflon

This’s Gonna Hurt
Your Blanket Party
Christian Rock Festival
Trent’s Hindu Phase
Shake ’em, Oprah
Afterwards, She Vomited
They’ll Grow Back
THAT’s Your Dick?
Seriously, It’s Unloaded
Congratulations! It’s Human!
It’s Detachable NOW
They’re Alive! RUN!
All-Anal Grandpas
You’re Female, right?
My God! Gerbils!
Your Testicles, Unfortunately
Son? Daddy’s Horny
Whoops! Wrong Tattoo
Whoops! Wrong Patient
Whoops! Wrong Hole
*ding* “You’ve Got AIDS” (as performed by a popup window, AOL-style)
by Karl Giesing